woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
