If you die in college, do you die in real life?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
How's work?
Spinning.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
