you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I touched a dick in church today
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
