Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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