Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
