You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
honey bunches of taint.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
