she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
