I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
