Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
