Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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