Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
