it was like his penis was on wheels.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
40s are totally the cure
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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