Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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