You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
