YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
