We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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