It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
