: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
