i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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