He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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