apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Edward fifth and chaser hands
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
