like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
