Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
