your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
