I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
