he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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