i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How's work?
Spinning.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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