At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
