I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I said "one day" and that day is not today
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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