So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
