i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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