Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
