My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
