So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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