i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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