Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
