Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
