Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
