I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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