Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My balls are so social today.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I have aggressive nipples.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
