I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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