She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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