omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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