You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
