You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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