There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
