i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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