When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
