I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
