What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
