i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
