How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
