***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
