You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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